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So, here’s the deal. I had just moved to Philadelphia, PA and had never ever been to NYC in my entire life. And since I moved to Philly mid-way through October, the ending to my Halloween season wasn’t really all that “spectacular”. I was also upset that I wasn’t able to attend the Blackout event in L.A. Then I realized I just moved that much closer to NYC … Which has a Blackout event. The tickets practically bought themselves. I obviously knew I had no friends that wanted to experience it with me, so I would be going alone – as if I could have it any other way?

I chose literally the last day (November 10th, 2013) at the third to last time bracket. Long story short, I found myself being left at a grungy, dim-lit industrial sliding door with a small printed sign that said “Blackout” in the fabulous neighborhood of Chelsea, NY. I was with two of my friends, who were literally there JUST to take my warm clothes and possessions so they wouldn’t get damaged. After they collected my items they left me and went drinking. (Lucky them …)

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Most people during these reviews don’t document their waiver signing process, but I’m going to because I loved it. The woman at the front had to like me or something (or maybe she was just REALLY into bearded / mustached men) because she was super nice – just to me. Or maybe I just had the face that said “Hello, I’m compliant because even though I’ve never been here, I know how this shit goes down.” Anyway, as she literally yelled at everyone else to basically grind their noses five inches from the wall, stand in corners, and not to look at her – just so they could read the posted rules / regulations. It’s like we were all grade school children who had just gotten sent to time out.

As I read the last paper on the wall, I heard the awkwardly nice woman yell my last name and ask me to show her my wrist. Dot, dot, dot. The three dots on my wrist marked that I was locked in. She nodded and told me to walk straight down the dark hallway. That’s it.

Here we go.

As I’m walking down this hallway, I’m thinking to myself “Hey man, you’ve been in the haunt industry for 8 years, have been an actor, have helped do some production stuff, have seen things broken and with lights on and off …” but for some reason I had sense of uneasiness within me, but that uneasiness faded as I walked into a dimly lit room and was grabbed by a fairly small woman in a cloak and asked to kneel on the “X” next to a hole in the cement. She whispered forcefully in my ear to put my head in the hole. I did so. There was a light that was shining up at my face and it was the only thing I could see. Next, the woman placed headphones over my ears that lopped some white noise of people laughing over static – or something. She then proceed to tie something around my feet. This entire time I was waiting for somebody to grab me by the shoulders and yank me down in this decrypt hole, but instead, after the woman was done taping something around both my feet, she decided to wait a few minutes and then she gave me a nice little tickle on my neck with a feather. I barely felt it, but the worse part was the anticipation of what could happen in that hole. She stood me up, took the headphones off. I looked down for a quick second and realized I had plastic bags tapped to my feet.

Great. Now why would they do that – I thought …

I walked up these stairs where a man grabbed me and put a light in my face. He asked me if I was epileptic and a few other things that I answered “No” to. He then jammed a poncho over my head and pleadingly said “When you get asked the passcode you answer with ‘The Sky is Falling’”. He asked me to repeat it, so I did. “The Sky is Falling”, I said. He grabbed my hand and jammed a glow stick in to it. He walked me into a pitch black hallway. He gave me a nice push forward. I started to hear running water as I felt my way around. I turned the left corner and my foot bumped into something. I had to step over whatever it was. As I stepped over, my foot fell into about a foot of water. It was a trough that I had to walk through – in pitch black. As I was walking through this little indoor creek, it started to rain on me. (GOOD THING FOR THAT PONCHO! THANKS DUDE!) At the end of the creek a rather large black man came from the darkness grabbed my head and barked at me. “Kneel!” I knelt, which meant I knelt in the creek. My entire pant legs up to knee and along with my shoes were soaking wet by this time. The man knelt down with me and stroked my neck / face. He then leaned in – so his forehead and nose were touch my forehead and nose. It was raining on both of us and he just whispered to me with his hand on the back of my neck. “Care to kiss in the rain?”

A second went by as I looked back at him. “You know what? SURE!”

He put his lips to mine and just ran his lips across mine – no kissing, just making me feel awkward. Then he picked me up and asked me “LEFT OR RIGHT?” I said right. He then said get on your knees and crawl. He tore the poncho off me and told me to crawl underneath this house. He said “TURN LEFT, GO TO THE BACK WALL AND TURN LEFT AGAIN” I nodded and proceeded to crawl through the old dirty underbelly of this random house. Dark and poorly lit I came to these stairs that led out. I headed for the opening and a short Spanish looking guy dropped down from it. He proceeded to get closer to me, grabbed my face and started speaking quickly in Spanish. Stroked my hair and beard. (UGH, NOT THE BEARD!) Afterwards he proceeded to pull his tank top behind his head with his bare chest exposed to my face. He grabbed the side of my head and placed his left nipple right up to my lips. Yeah, you heard me right. My lips, his nipple. This happened while he quietly sung to me Spanish. It was a touching moment … 

I then got picked up by some woman and dragged up the stairs. She was wearing a black dress. This would be the actor that would have the most interaction with me and she was basically the lead in this awkward theatre show of crazed interactivity. She got in my ear and said “Turn around, put your hands on the wall, and spread your legs”. On the wall – there were dull wooden spikes and it forced me to push away. She then decided to press her entire body on my back and started to simulate masturbating. Then turned me around pushed my head down by her crotch and told me to smell.

What. Smell?

I will tell you this, it literally smelled like … well you guys know. She pushed me to the ground and straddled on top of me. Took her “panties off and put them in my mouth – gagging me with them. (Afterwards, I saw that it was just a headband that was around my mouth. Cool trick though.) She then picked me up and asked “A or B!?”

I said, “A”.

She showed me into another room that was very skinny and had writing on the wall. I couldn’t read anything because she put my hands on the wall and I had to turn my head and place my face on the wall too. And boom. Shut off the lights. I was in there for a good while – complete darkness, with no sound. She came back, flicked the switch, screamed at me to “Kneel!” and had me repeat something that she said. Pulling my head back by my hair, all the while. She then laughed in my ear and asked “FAST or SLOW?”

I looked up at her with the utmost silliness of it all. And smirked while I quietly said “Fast.”

She took me into another room that was skinny just like the previous one. It had a mattress the was turned side ways and had the edges folded up on the wall to make a weird looking seat. She told me lay down with my head on the mat. I’m a giant, so I barely fit and my legs were hanging out of the room. She then put noise canceling headphones on me as she sat on top of me. There was a light above her (behind her head from my view). This was creepy because it would flicker, she would move and get close to my ears and face. She started getting angry asking me “Where were you last night?” “What was her name?!” (The best part about this was that I was with my best friend and we were seeing Bill Burr! Ha!) So said that to her, and yelled at me “Shut the fuck up, you’re not allowed to speak”. She then proceed to bang her fists on the side of the bed, screaming at me. (I couldn’t really hear her, because of the headphones.) But it was pretty insane, because it was this crazed bruised woman using the sides of the mattress to smother me every few seconds while she sat on top of me freaking out. She then leaned down, pulled the headphones back, grabbed my ears and whispered to me.

"Get the fuck up."

I did and she asked me “A or B?” As she grabbed my inner thigh. “And choose wisely.” I sighed and said “Hmmmm, A?” She grabbed me, threw me in a room where I had to stand with my back against a wall. The only light in the room was a glow stick on the floor. She pulled the curtain and I was alone in there. She came back in after a few moments and looked at me. She asked me “Why are you doing this?” (Keep in mind I still had that gag in my mouth and have this entire time. So I stood there looking at her just perplexed.) She then started crying – asking me “Why are you doing this?”. As she picked up the glow stick. She kept saying “Why are you doing this?” and then proceeded to start removing her dress and got completely naked (expect for her undies) in front of me, crying and begging me not to do this. She then move her hands down to her undies and looked up at me and asked “Do I have to do this too?” I looked back and for the first time …

I felt a sense of awkwardness

I squeaked out with the words. “Uh … no. No.” as I shook my head. She nodded and jumped at me and stared at me in the face. Then she smelled me, grabbed my hand, and playfully led me out of the room. Where randomly a guy threw a plastic bag on my head, grabbed me by the back of the neck, pushed me against a wall, put his hand on my throat and proceed to bite my lips and nose through the plastic bag. Meanwhile the girl was yelling “No! Don’t do this! Please!” I couldn’t see where she went, but afterwards, he poked a hole where the mouth would be on my plastic bag and told me to walk down some stairs. The girl was down the stairs on the ground in a corner, I couldn’t see anything but her in front of me. She was blurry and screaming for help. The guy put me on me knees and acted like he put a gun to my head while he told me to tell her to shut up.

I screamed “SHUT UP!”

"LOUDER!" – "SHUT UP!"

"LOUDER, I SAID!" I made my self laugh, because I was like "SHUT THE FUCK UP, OR WE BOTH ARE GONNA DIE!" 

He then stood me up, told me to step over this wooden thing and told me lay down – flat. I still had the bag on so I couldn’t see. In a split second after I laid down – I realized I was in a coffin. Right after my brain put that together. He tore the bag off – I looked up at him and he smiled as his hand was on the coffin door and slammed it shut.

Darkness. Is all I saw as I laid there in that cool, damp coffin.

I then heard the girl again as she screamed outside of the box. He opened the box again, and was holding the naked girl by the neck. It seemed like he was choking her, and when I figured that out – she passed out in his arms as I watched. Then he laid the unconscious naked girl on top of me inside the coffin and slammed it closed again. So, it was me and some random naked girl, in a dark, closed coffin. We were in there for about 1-2 minutes and she then started to wake up and freak out in the coffin with me. Banging on the door, yelling and grabbing me. She stopped screaming as the man opened the coffin and said “Stand the fuck up.” He then grabbed me by the back of the neck and pushed me through this black curtain.

Boom. I was out in the lobby again, with all the other future participants staring at me as I was drenched with water with these plastic shoes tapped at my ankles, and my hair / beard all messed up with a smile on my face as I looked around. I just clapped my hands together, then put my hands up and looked around where I was and let out a “What!”. Then I walked out to the street and waited for my friends to tell them story.

They got this gem of me.

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